Polygamy: don't knock it til you try it

I’m sure many of you clicked on the link to see what I could possibly have to say in favor of being married to more than one person, but hear me out.  I’m not saying it would be okay with me if my boo fell in love with another woman and wanted to marry her, expecting me to share him in the bedroom.  I might have to go all Baltimore on someone if that ever happened.  And I damn-straight-skippy know he would sooner set the house on fire than hear of sharing me with another man.  Although, some days I’m sure he wishes I were another husband’s headache, but I digress.  Luckily, that’s not the kind of polygamy I’m advocating here.  I’m advertising the agnostic, platonic, based-on-common-sense kind of polygamy.

You see, I married Marcus two years ago, but technically, I was married well before that.  To my friend, Val.  And I didn’t divorce her just because I found my male soul mate.  Man, don’t I hate when women (and men) do that.  Well before we got married but when we were in the serious enough phase to have such talks, I explained to Marcus that I don’t believe that someone’s spouse always has to come first.  I explained that, while he would obviously be one of the most important people in my life, he shouldn’t expect to be the only or the most important person in my life all the time. Don’t worry, I went on to explain how his friend, Ken, should always be as important to him as me and that sometimes, Ken would be more important, and that’s okay.  And it’s my firm belief that this is one of the reasons why we have such a strong marriage.

While the media always speculates about the nature of Oprah and Gayle’s relationship, I completely understand it.  In fact, one time when Marcus and I were talking about it, I explained by saying they were just like Val and me.  He got it right away.  The reason why everyone likes to assume they “must be gay,” (well, besides the fact that the media is ridiculous) is because for some reason our society has decided that a spouse or significant other is the only person you should do certain things with: vacation, have slumber parties, talk to on the phone a hundred times a day, etc.  And this is simply bogus. 

Both Marcus and Val’s husband understand that Val and I keep each other in check in a way that they never could.  Do you think Marcus wants to hear me obsess about what I said that someone might have taken out of context?  Um, no.  I can tell by the way his eyes glaze over as he tries his hardest to pay attention.  Do you think I want to hear about professional wrestling?  Call Ken, honey. Men and women are different, and that’s what makes marriage dynamic and exciting.  But those differences can cause huge problems if you don’t let yourself rely on other people as well.  Life is big and complicated and fantastic and scary all at once.  In my mind, the only way to experience it to its fullest is to have more than one person on your team. Marcus couldn’t (and wouldn’t want to) handle all that I could throw his way, so he happily and gratefully shares me with Val and my other friends.  And in turn, I have much more to give him instead of expecting too much from him.

I have a lot of people on my team because I make it a point to cultivate all my friendships even though it means that sometimes Marcus plays second fiddle.  But there is something so comforting about having a “wife” who feels just as committed to me as Marcus does.  We may not have exchanged vows or made a big ceremony of it, but Val and I have an understood bond and commitment to making sure we each live our best life and that we’re never alone in doing it.  Having a wife makes me a better wife, and if that makes me a polygamist, well then, my only question would be, why aren’t you?